Charlie Brooker is a hater

I was sent this link today by a DJ/producer friend of mine who, despite making a living from the music industry, shares Charlie Brooker's sentiments on how crap clubbing is.

In his Guardian column, Brooker says: 'The second thing that struck me was frightening. They were all photographing themselves. In fact, that's all they seemed to be doing.' In September I went to a Tinchy Stryder gig at Shepherd's Bush Empire. I took a picture of all the people taking pictures of... a curtain. Voila:

So on that point, I'm with Brooker. The rest of his piece, however, is rubbish - he clearly doesn't like music enough.

Click here to read Brooker's 'Nightclubs Are Hell' article.

Jay Cunning leaves Kiss

Tuesday morning heralds the end of Jay Cunning's breakbeat show on Kiss 100.

Jay took over from Tayo (who left for Radio One's In New DJs We Trust stint) in 2006, when the breakbeat scene was still thriving. Sadly it's nosedived lately, mainly down to a lack of exciting producers making exciting new music, and DJs being lured away by other groundbreaking styles.

Jay, who is leaving to focus on his Sub Slayers label, 'wouldn't say it's the end of breakbeat on Kiss FM' but a replacement breaks show hasn't yet been announced.

I was lucky enough to view the DJ in action, as a guest on the show in 2007. I appeared with Swifty B, who promised me he would behave himself when we were on (Swifty's very naughty). Then, when Jay asked how he'd got into producing, Swifty fed him a story about being inspired by Swedish porn films. I was mortified.

Jay is a ridiculously nice guy who created a brilliant show that reached far and wide across the scene, so don't miss the last instalment. Tune in to Kiss at 1am this Tuesday 29 Dec, or go back to it online by clicking here:
www.totalkiss.com/jaycunning

European Festival Awards

The shortlist has been announced for the European Festival Awards.

Gravity Skanker's thoughts?

Exit Festival is probably the best in Europe, though it's going to be a tough battle against the mighty Glastonbury in the category for major events. Belgium's Dour (up for the Best Medium Sized Festival) won't be getting my vote any time soon. Neither will Heineken Festival in Poland, simply because the only booze you can buy is bloody Heineken (which inspired some pretty creative vodka smuggling last year). The Prodigy boys deserve any award we can throw at them, so please let them whoop Bruce Springsteen to Best Headline Performance.

There's very little in the way of British festivals (anyone heard of Sonisphere?) but I guess that gives us all a good excuse to bugger off abroad.

Click here to pick your top festival. Voting ends Wednesday 30 December.

So Solid: the return?

UK garage crew So Solid are back.

Ten years ago this impossibly large London collective started permeating the garage scene with hit after hit: 'Oh No' (I'm talking the original mix), '21 Seconds' and - don't cringe - 'Bound 4 da Reload'.

Now they've returned with a new single, 'Since You Went Away', which hits the charts in January.

'I feel like a gifted brother. Not a lot of people get a second chance,' says Mega Man in the intro to this (dare I say it) catchy RnB track, co-starring Lisa Maffia and Romeo. It seems the crew are hedging their bets elsewhere for this one though, with a video that couldn't be more US-try-hard if it, er, tried.

Still, it's nice to hear Mega's smooth tones again - even if this is a bit pop for my tastes.

Make your own mind up:

Brass is class

I DJed a few weeks ago at the hilarious Why So Serious? night at Russian Bar in Dalston. Its a big phat 90s mashup with a great crowd and plenty of glowsticks (plus a game of pass-the-parcel).

On the dancefloor, I chatted to a guy who'd been to Bestival this year. His favourite act of the whole festival? A brass band that played the Polka Tent - and totally packed it out.

This was interesting. A raver saying they prefered a brass group to an hour of Carl Cox DJing old skool? (That was possibly the best set, anywhere, of 2009.)

So I looked into it. Turns out they're an eight-piece band from east London called Brassroots, and they are absolute class.

Check out their version of Inner City's 'Good Life' here:
www.myspace.com/brassroots

If you're at Glastonbury, Lovebox or Bestival next year make sure you pay them a visit.

And if you like the sound, follow this up with a listen to the famous Hot 8 Brass Band, a New Orleans group that have been rockin tings since their first album (on Tru Thoughts) in 2007:
www.hot8brassband.com

MPs go raving

The Telegraph newspaper says that a group of MPs will hit da club to learn about cocaine use.

Fourteen Members of Parliament will go raving because they want to see the Class-A drug's culture in action, 'warts and all'.

'Some of these clubs are real rave-ups with people doing all sorts,' said the police. Too fucking right.

So I'm left wondering, a) How they plan to watch this drug in action. Will they be waiting in toilet cubicles hoping someone will come in and start racking up a line? Which begs the question, b) Why do MPs want to spend a night in toilet cubicles? (Ron Davies might know the answer to that one) and finally, c) What will they wear?

I reckon this:

To read the article, click here.

Speaking of clubs, check out my new snazzy monthly club listings. Send me recommendations if you have them too, please. Cheers ears.

CLUBS: December

Friday 4 December @ Plan B, Brixton
Event: Herbalizer live band
Lineup: Hip hop, funk, jazz and 'plenty of fun' as The Herbalizer play a live show as a five-piece band
Deets: www.plan-brixton.co.uk
Gravity Skanker says... The Herbalizer is fucking cool and Plan B is a top venue. What's not to like?

Friday 11 December @ Matter, Greenwich 
Event: Ram
Lineup: Room 1 / Andy C, Chase and Status, Sub Focus, Hype, Shy FX, Nosia, Fresh
Shimon, Moving Fusion, Red One, GQ, Dynamite MC, MC IC3, MC Fats
Room 2 / Hatcha, Nero, Xample B2B Lomax, Alix Perez, Culture Shock, Serum & Vapour, Spinline
Deets: www.matterlondon.com/calendar/2009/12
Gravity Skanker says... Ram at The End was legendary. But I still can't decide what's the better DnB night - Ram or Hospitality?

Friday 18 December @ Matter, Greenwich 
Event: Stanton Sessions
Lineup: Room 1 / Stanton Warriors, Grandmaster Flash, DJ Yoda, Stereo MCs, Young Fathers (live), Sick Rick
Room 2 / Freq Nasty, Trevor Loveys, Tayo, Joe Ransom
Deets: www.matterlondon.com/calendar/2009/12
Gravity Skanker says... I met DJ Yoda recently. I asked him if he was Iranian (he looked it, or maybe I was drunk). He replied: 'No, I'm Jewish', and walked away. Someone should tell him there are, in fact, lots of Jewish Iranians.

CLUBS: November

Friday 27th @ Plan B, Brixton
Event: Deadly Rhythm
Lineup: Kode 9, Zomby, The Moody Boyz, Alexander Nut, Moxie and more
Deets: www.plan-brixton.co.uk
Gravity Skanker says...
The crowd at Plan B can be hit-and-miss, but Kode 9's playing, so what the heck

Props to Calvin Harris

You've gotta love Calvin Harris.

In case you missed the hoo-ha, the 'Accceptable in the 80s' star jumped on stage with Jedward on X Factor last week. Holding a pineapple on his head, Calvin ran up to the creepy-looking twins, slapped his arse then ran off. He was quickly thrown out of the studio.

I thought Calvin's 'Ready for the Weekend' video was mega tacky as it went down the wiggly-girls-in-leotards/bikini route as favoured by Ministry of Sound. But now I've seen him do THAT in front of 10 million people, he's shot up the ranks of cool again.

THE SKANK IS ON: Swine Flu skank

I love a good skank. My signature move is the Gravity Skank, developed on a steep slope on the Isle of Wight and refined on dancefloors across the nation. It's beautiful, it really is.

People everywhere are creating their own skanks - obviously not as good as mine - but there are some hot contenders.

This one, however, is pure jokes.

Lost and found: Danny Rampling

If anyone's wondering what ex-Radio 1 DJ Danny Rampling is up to these days, look no further:

Now, I wore a similar outit to Bestival this year (as one of about 500 Beastie Boys), but this ain't no rave costume. The house pioneer has stayed in the, um, house business and set up a company that builds eco-homes. Bless.

Poor Rusko

I hear dubstep king Rusko lost his CD wallet at Matter in south east London the other day.

Whoever nicked it: stop being a knob, copy the tracks and return it. And I'll happily be the go-between if you don't want to be identified - having seen Rusko close-up at Plan B last Saturday he's actually quite fit.

(Don't believe the photographs...)

There's a wicked free Rusko mix available for download if you sign up to Fenchurch as a member.

2562 is the magic number

Dutch producer 2562 is causing people to go all wobbly on the dance music scene.

A few weeks ago I went to the launch of his second album (under the 2562 moniker), 'Unbalance', at the grimey but really quite wicked south London club Corsica Studios.

I followed the DJ Mag crew down, though I didn't know much about the night, We Fear Silence. I asked clubs editor Allan if the music was good. His reply: 'Do bears shit in woods? It be DEEP.' So I went.

Don't let the toilets at Corsica Studios put you off.

Anyway, God knows why he's called 2562, but his real name is Dave Huismans and he makes slow, atmospheric, daaarrrrrrkkkkkk dubstep.

This is his track 'Moog Dub', which appeared on the 'Dubstep Allstars 6' compilation - there is another video floating around on YouTube but it had an evil clown face which was just too freaky, so here's the safe version:

Infectious rhythm

This video makes me want to do star jumps and big fat roly polies:



It was taken at Sasquatch music festival, near Seattle, USA. Thanks to Sally for sharing this with me. Her and I devised the Gravity Skank on a not too dissimilar slope.