Sasha and John Digweed: thirsty work

I've just got my hands on a copy of Sasha and John Digweed's DJ rider. It's the document that sets out the conditions of their tour bookings.

So promoters, listen up. If you've booked the trance/prog house duo to play at your club, this is what you have to arrange for them:

3 bottles of Grey Goose Vodka
1 bottle of good quality champagne
2 cartons of cranberry juice plus additional mixers
1 carton of orange juice
Assorted cans of coke, tonic, club soda
24 cans of Red Bull energy drink
24 bottles of still cooled mineral water
24 bottles of good quality imported beer (Heineken, etc)

They also want two 20lb bags of fresh, clean ice. In addition to a restaurant-quality meal, they request a 'pre-arranged snack. Healthy options besides pizza, please, where possible'.

Cool. Anything else?

Yes, actually. For larger events, they want up to 100 tickets. For free. The tour crew would also like 'a well-groomed, courteous and sober driver with a valid driver’s license, driving a newly-cleaned, late-model vehicle that holds at least 8 passengers.' Okey doke.

And how would they like the dressing room? With 'freshly vacuumed carpeted or rug-covered floors.' Check. 'DIMMABLE incandescent lights (NO fluorescent lights).' Um, OK.

Don't forget to throw in twelve newly-washed large bath towels, twelve newly-washed hand towels, eight newly-washed face cloths and three new, wrapped bars of Ivory soap. And 'NO BAR TOWELS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' (their punctuation).

Oh, but wait. Please arrange for a box of Kleenex and to have one package of 'Nag Champa incense + hippy stuff: patouli oil, candles' left in the production office.

I'm left wondering what they get up to backstage...